Jayne

2009-11-14T00:11:00.002+08:00

hmm i hate that i'm only ever here when i'm moody or have something introspective to say. or express awkwardly and indirectly. the last few months have been slow and tiring and the weekends seem anomalous because they're exponentially funner than weekdays (so thanks kester you know you're the best) i probably don't do much to warrant sympathy or pity because i don't really study very much or meet a lot of people with the exception of maybe gabriel and dewei so there aren't many people who know what's going on in my already uneventful life. but i am extremely blessed. throughout all of this i know my God's been with me. and i don't need anything/anyone else. he's really sweet, hanging around even when i struggle to stay true to myself even in all this. i confuse myself so much and i confuse the people around me with what i think and say. it hurts me when i hurt them, unintentionally and it aches when they struggle to understand what i'm saying and draw all the wrong conclusions from my inadequate explanations. i ought to be better at expressing myself, or perhaps go through an entire paradigm shift and realign all my thoughts. oh this isn't helping like i thought it would! but it all boils down to this. i'm growing from strength to strength, that which is not mine. it's slow and it's painful but it's growth.

don't like laptop nights

2009-09-30T23:24:00.003+08:00

disappointed. but not quite.

maaaaaybe later. i've so much to say but the singapore government has whisked my best friend away body mind soul but it's ok you've got my heart now you've two to make up for everything else!

she was right

2009-09-28T23:30:00.002+08:00

it's time to make new friends! remind me to talk to you about this.

j and k are next to each other on the keyboard!

2009-09-04T00:51:00.002+08:00

i'm completely ecstatic, almost like if anything went wrong i could just smile and take it in my stride. my birthday was fantastic, because that was when i discovered that i really do have every single thing i need, and i lack absolutely nothing :) you know you're all i need! thank you Lord for providing everything, you are still the Lord of my life and you love me more than i know. love is such an awesome thing!

:(

2009-08-25T22:48:00.000+08:00

school is boring

quack quack quack

school

2009-08-13T23:33:00.002+08:00

is like ugh. slow. but clari is like WOO! huhu
since the end of the fast i've been eating a lot of meat, but i still really like the taste of vegetables it's so sweet and juicy!
i think life is so great now i've got a great family a great God a great boyfriend great friends (like clari she's ONE example!) i'm so very happy right now. :D

he loves me so

2009-08-03T23:48:00.002+08:00

anywhere
about
anything
ate

breakfasts
bus rides
being late
boy hugs

calling
conversation
car rides
craving you

images stuck in your head

2009-07-30T14:49:00.002+08:00

drink up, baby, look at the stars
i'll kiss you again
between the bars where i'm
seeing you there
with your hands in the air,
waiting to finally be caught

drink up one more time and
i'll make you mine
keep you apart
deep in my heart separate
from the rest
where i like you the best
and keep the things you forgot

rockin robin tweet tweet tweet

2009-07-16T23:28:00.002+08:00

omgomgomg it's tomorrow it's TOMORROW!!!

this this THIS is what it's like

hahah was talking to my parents about facebook/twitter and the like, mom was like, what on earth do people use facebook for and my brother patiently explained the mechanics of microblogging and tweeting. so i chimed in with an example, i am baking cupcakes now. and my dad was all why on earth do people need to know you're baking cupcakes now!!? it was completely hilarious but i guess this conversation and its variants have taken place too many times to be funny anymore! why are old(er) people like that??

however far away; i will always...

2009-07-14T00:54:00.001+08:00

oh OH p.s. i can't wait for anberlin ( :oD)

what! what!

2009-07-14T00:43:00.003+08:00

hee hee i've been shrinking back and back and i'm almost disappearing. somehow i can't wait for school but i'm scared at the same time. now it feels like i'm moving so slowly the air is ten times denser and my muscles are weak. i'm hungry and sleepy and craving something sweet like sugar and i really really want to go to croatia and italy and greece so yeah maybe i don't want to go to school. i hope tomorrow i bump into an old friend on the street so i can grin and say it's been a while, and find out how they're doing, i hope i am absolutely charming to the taxi drivers, the bus uncles and food court aunties because they look so sad sometimes and i occasionally want affirmation of my existence, a la gogo and didi. oh that just made me miss intellectual stimulation in many, any form. yeah life is lonely sometimes but it's lovely and uh, well, nice. i'm going to clear all my rubbish history and ancient relics, both virtual and tangible and maybe save the pretty, still-meaningful bits as much as i can. everything, at this point really feels so dynamic and alive and beautiful it hurts a little bit. i think tomorrow, i will explore.

traces love

2009-07-07T00:02:00.002+08:00

1. don't keep score
2. say what you mean
3. no blackmail
4. no tests
5. it's not a competition

angry! >:( hahah ok not really that's just a cute face. what am i doing, screaming into the hollow void that is cyberspace at midnight?

it's been very long, waiting holding on waiting for you to talk to me again. i don't even know when's the last time we did. i think it's also cause maybe i didn't really talk to you for a while. like, properly. i know you love me, that i'm not just saying so because i'm so "loveable". it's true i know it even though i don't see it. i'm not mad at you, just tired (from nothing, i know, nothing compared to what you do) i guess. and distracted. help me out ok? or tell me if it's too much to ask. at least say something, please! ok i know you've helped me out a lot already and i just don't take the hint and am very unappreciative of you. and i know you've done so much for me. though sometimes i do feel like a hypocrite talking to you like we're the best of friends. even now, like this. but i just am needy that way i guess.

love love love and there'll never be no more

2009-05-04T23:34:00.004+08:00

The past 7 days

2 overheard conversations about religion
3 X 4 hours working working working
60 dollars earned :(
3.5 days of bliss and
1 special k
8 little boys and girls
1 tiny laptop
and a power power point
3 awesome meetups with
9 awesome friends
0 cupcakes
1000 kisses
4 library books as yet unread
2 wishes
3 dreams and
1 came true

and i'll keep my opinions to myself. Hello! :)

paraesthesia

2009-04-27T15:25:00.001+08:00

park the car
drop the phone
sleep on the floor
dream about me

that moment then, sweet and small and we like where we are

2009-04-24T19:03:00.003+08:00

Being around kids is very... Interesting. Spent the morning with the kindergartners going around the Public Places of Singapore and just generally being loud and noisy and cheerful and cute everywhere spreading the sunshine happiness! Really fun, the polyclinic, the supermarket, the post office, MACDONALD'S KITCHEN BEAT THAT!!, the wet market and hawker centre, the bakery and the hair salon. That was the most fun, the hair stylists were so charmed by the children so they played with their hair and we ended up leaving the hair salon with little prom queens and j-pop-star boys hahahah

With children there's something just different, like how we'd love to be in our minds. They speak their mind, they do, hardly (never) even considering probable consequences. Unafraid, unhindered as can be, because it doesn't matter what other people think of them, until you say it aloud and they hear it, and learn to be afraid. Boys sharing straws, everyone holding hands and singing songs loud and out of key. If they're tired/hurt/happy/angry that's how they feel and there's no second guessing that. But no matter how much I observe and feel, I can never do anything to even try to go back to that, except sit back and appreciate them and let them be who they are. Which would hardly be the best they can ever be - no, never - but it's great to be able to experience and taste everything that way.

You're so brilliant / Don't soon forget -Anberlin "The Unwinding Cable Car"

because so many people are in love

2009-04-22T19:42:00.005+08:00

I wish for an electric mixer cos my arms hurt!

she's still out to get me

2009-04-22T16:04:00.000+08:00

Going to the library!

edith piaf and pictures of love

2009-04-20T21:20:00.002+08:00

At church on Sunday we're going through Genesis, so I'm reading the book The Discovery of Genesis which suggests that the ancient ancient Chinese knew about and worshiped God. They gather all of this from the chinese characters, pictograms which actually tell the story of Genesis. Example! Look at 船, you'll see 舟 for boat, 八 which is eight, and 口 representing a person. And on Noah's ark there were 8 people, Noah, 3 sons plus the 4 wives! This among other words as examples too, it's so interesting it's making studying linguistics at NTU more appealing.

So i've been home quite a lot, it's really nice being alone away from the crowds sweating out the heat in the comfort of my own cosy house. Reading, eating and baking. And waiting waiting. Time to yourself is really special. I can't wait!!

baby it's alright, you'll be a ship in a bottle set sail

2009-04-19T23:05:00.002+08:00

Gabby was like GIRL we're going to a party don't cry we're gonna have fun!

I feel horrible though. Like with Kester gone it feels like a whole different life. It's the reason why i'm online so much now :( Sorry if i neglected you, truly sorry! If i ask you out please don't think you're just a momentary replacement, please allow me to make amends and be a friend again! Please?

it actually aches!!!!

2009-04-17T23:47:00.002+08:00

WHYYYYYYY!!

no i'm not too agitated it's just a momentary outburst to avoid building everything up too much, need to let off the little bit of steam within! I'm sure he's fine, right? Of course he is. I can't help this missing feeling my best friend in the world is completely uncontactable!

i need to do the dishes again i think ntu isn't all that bad i baked cupcakes and thought of you WHO am i kidding i think of you all the time i do hope you're having fun miss you most come back soon

Anyway! Had fun with Kim, Nat and Clari today! Intense shopping in town and pine nuts for lunch. Then we moved the party over to Bugis. Expected some sweet finds from Bugis street but serendipity can't be forced i guess! Haji lane was fun though, that was the most time i've ever spent there in my life, thanks loads to Nat and her jeans hunting. For. Ever. Clari and I even resorted to playing chopsticks (she won) then we got more high-tech and played guitar hero!!! Nat's ds promptly broke down :(

Ooh haven't blogged in a long time. Reporting every minor detail is such fun but broadcasting everything is dangerous too I guess.

And I made apple crumble (though it's more like cinnamon nutmeg and too-sweet icing) cupcakes! Am getting a job (hopefully) at coffee club!

I AM GONNA BE A PRAYER WARRIOR

you speak aloud so you can hear what you say

2009-03-20T01:40:00.002+08:00

Shaper Shaped

In days gone by I used to be
A potter who would feel
His fingers mould the yielding clay
To patterns on his wheel;
But now, through wisdom lately won,
That pride has gone away,
I have ceased to be the potter
And have learned to be the clay.
In other days I used to be
A poet through whose pen
Innumerable songs would come
To win the hearts of men;
But now, through new-got knowledge
Which I hadn’t had so long,
I have ceased to be the poet
And have learned to be the song.

I was a fashioner of swords,
In days that now are gone,
Which on a hundred battle-fields
Glittered and gleamed and shone;
But now I am brimming with
The silence of the Lord,
I have ceased to be sword-maker
And have learned to be the sword.

In by-gone days I used to be
A dreamer who would hurl
On every side an insolence
Of emerald and pearl.
But now I am kneeling
At the feet of the Supreme
I have ceased to be the dreamer
And have learned to be the dream.

— Harindranath Chattopadhyaya

purify my heart grab me by the ears and scream scream i love you so much what are you doing to your self? what are you doing to me don't you know i'd bleed for you? you blow me off so many times you keep me awake at night i'm pleading with you begging you look at me talk to me just know my heart beats so fast when i see you but you piss me off so bad sometimes stop hiding from me in shame and complete ignorance i know what you've done but it really doesn't matter cos i still love you more than you ever will know

the hauntings

2009-03-10T17:37:00.001+08:00

http://whiteninjacomics.com/comics/sonbadnews.shtml

still okay

2009-03-09T00:42:00.003+08:00

H2
Bio A
Chem B
Drama C
H1
Math A
GP B
PW B

Life's not easy! 5 grades away from straight As sigh. But it's alright. Though I must admit it's hard not to think of all the what-ifs and could-have-beens. But i'm still so glad i did drama, where i lost one love (er drama) and found another (awesomer) one. I guess i'm still a science student laah! Well yeah. This is my lot and my hand of cards in Citadels, slowly but surely i am becoming satisfied. A great lesson in trusting the God i can't see but know know know is in control over all, even when i get lousy A level grades!

in light of hemingway

2009-03-01T22:04:00.003+08:00

We're selfish this way. What I say and what I feel seems of utmost importance, when it might sound clumsy or insignificant. But the fact is this. As you lay your thoughts bare, naked and heavy into the air, feeling vulnerable and exposed, they're brushed away and immediately lost, like dust settling into the water. Don't realise it just yet, but as the emotions keep swirling and churning and you brood, the words are long forgotten and gone. Just a sad little person left all alone to your feelings, believing so naively that you've made your mark and you're satisfied now. And that's all that matters.

I wrestle on, emotionlessly and cluelessly. No dark thoughts though, or any thoughts at all. He drops to his knees, says, "Please, my love! Please..."

sppidermaan

2009-02-25T12:42:00.002+08:00

This is the life of the babysitter.
Wake at 10 to the sound of boy screaming your name
Have an orange and oatmeal for breakfast
Help change and send charge to school
Watch TV or read
omg this is the best

kick like crazy

2009-02-13T01:05:00.001+08:00

and they'll know by our love

2009-02-11T22:21:00.002+08:00

All my complaints shrink to nothing
I'm ashamed of all my somethings
She's glad for one day of comfort
Only because she has suffered

Fully alive
More than most
Ready to smile and love life
Fully alive
Now she knows how to believe in futures

Isn't it such a struggle to continually give every moment, every second over, surrendering the parts of your self, replacing it for a person you probably could never become. The wise man who convinces you, pleads with you, "I know what I'm doing, you just have to trust me." And it's just so hard. You find yourself taken over by fame, fortune, astounding physical beauty, drop-dead awesome body and all the pleasures of this world. It's just so, so, so hard and only now do i see it in its fullness. Can be pretty discouraging, looking at all the pictures.

Yet i hold stubbornly on to the fact that there will be a reward. I'm on the cusp of faith, not nearly there yet but i know we'll get there. It's a stand to believe in true beauty in its purest, most unadulterated and undiluted form. I struggle on, but that's what it's all about, isn't it?

But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. James 1:6 NIV

you grip my wrists
i let go

i struggle with forward motion

2009-02-11T13:17:00.002+08:00

there's a million things i would want to be

but now all i really need is to be Yours, wholly, truly, utterly Yours.

yet the laziness continues, GET ME OUT OF THIS RUT!

this is so beyond awesome

2009-02-06T23:14:00.003+08:00

When I wake up, well I know i'm gonna be,
I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next you
When I go out, yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you
If I get drunk, well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who gets drunk next to you
And if I haver, Yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's havering to you

But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walks a thousand miles
To fall down at your door

When I'm working, yes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's working hard for you
And when the money, comes in for the work I do
I'll pass almost every penny on to you
When I come home (When I come home), well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who comes back home to you
And if I grow-old, (When I grow-old) well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's growing old with you

But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walks a thousand miles
To fall down at your door

When I'm lonely, well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's lonely without you
And when I'm dreaming, well I know I'm gonna dream
I'm gonna Dream about the time when I'm with you
When I go out (When I go out), well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you
And when I come home (When I come home), yes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who comes back home with you
I'm gonna be the man who's coming home with you

But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walks a thousand miles
To fall down at your door

And I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walked a thousand miles
To fall down at your door

AND HONEY YOU KNOW IT'S TRUE
er except i'm not a man

weil weil weil

2009-01-27T23:13:00.002+08:00

Has been some time! So i don't really know the purpose of writing here anymore, who'll see it and stuff.

Basically have been. Hmm. Travelling a lot! Malaysia, East Timor and Japan in the past two months since the end of the A levels. So Singapore time has been filled with a lotta catching up with friends. And recently, Chinese New Year! Don't really fancy this time very much, but it's something you can't escape I guess! Oh, and lots of lost weight.

Been thinking a little, too. About the future and other similar trivial things. What on earth to do with the rest of my life! Not worrying, mind you. Just.. wondering. It's this not knowing that's slightly unnerving. But it's nice to be reminded of faith and trust that God will do the right thing and the best thing. It's just a little hard to put into practice!

ah i'm putting it up anyway

call me hormonal but i'll cry my eyes out

2009-01-13T22:15:00.002+08:00

this has never been harder. but i'm glad every step of the way God's been with me. with us. blessing us ever so richly, so reassuringly. and my frail weak human self doubts and worries, with no reason to! but He still protects and gives new reason to trust and stay faithful.

but damn i'll miss you so much

fwam

2009-01-12T18:29:00.001+08:00

I AM SO HAPPY.

keep it in your heart

2008-11-30T03:20:00.003+08:00

That pretty rainbow can be enough, yeah it's enough to keep you going even when you feel choked and spent. Just one more, and that would be one more day. One more amazing, beautiful day you talk in poems and songs in whispers under the covers, knowing that no one else knows what you know. It's your secret smile and you keep it. Yeah you keep it special.

because we need you so much

2008-11-28T22:36:00.002+08:00

It's something amazing, witnessing God's work through our feeble mortal selves in spite of our weak and fickle wills. And it always goes to show just how much He loves us and wants to show it to us in His quiet way.

I guess what really struck me today was that He really is present everywhere. And though many things pain Him, lots of things make Him pleased too. We'll never know for sure what God's thinking of, what He's trying to do. But i think i've really decided, i hope once and for all, to leave everything to Him because it's tiring to struggle to do His will by myself when His offer for help is just there.

What He really wants is a pure heart, girl. You don't have to be pretty to be beautiful and loved. There's nothing about you that's plain. <3

i try to keep a straight face when we

2008-11-23T23:59:00.002+08:00

I'm a little bit anxious about the coming week, feeling just a little bit swamped by the masses of things that need to be done. Yet empty about not having a constant something to focus on. Yet i probably do have this one thing to focus on that will make every trouble vanish! :)

At church, a sharing session ending in prayer made me think quite a bit (well more than the usual touch-and-go flickers of thought that my 2.5 second attention span can sustain) about my future. So i guess ultimately i learned that God really does want the best best best for me, and i really do need to listen to him. And also even though things are going fantastically right now, that's no reason to take everything that i have for granted. This apparent happiness, i know, is becoming increasingly dependent on circumstances and the states of my relationships with other people, which after a while i know i will assume is a given, and end up being shattered when it's taken away. I know, that i am very, very, veryvery blessed. Since the day i was born up til this very day, really i've led an extremely untroubled life to the point of abnormality, i think. I know, for sure, that God completely has my life in control. Which I've completely taken for granted because he's blessed me so richly! Yet i know it's not always going to be so utterly blissful, and for those moments i need him more than ever.

Hahah, another complete jumble of emotions and constant but erratic flow of words, just like my gp essay-die.

In other news, kenny choi is a complete genius okay

I hope you know that you're beautiful and loved very much, nat jo rachel gabriel! i love prince

eh whammai doing here

2008-11-16T00:04:00.002+08:00

One of the best study days (ok mornings) in a looong time.

Particularly cos i was strictly alone, thanks to sam and rachel's late nights/lazy mornings! And now i am greatly tempted to break the sabbath study-ban because MONDAY'S GONNA BE HORRIBLE! But no, a commitment is a commitment, so no.

But then again i really can't wait for monday cos there's gonna be like SHOPPING AND XLB AND JAMES BOND AND (relative) LIBERTY!!! I'm doing a little jig in my seat here just thinking about it, and my heart is throbbing a little faster :D

Aaaand sometimes i feel like bringing everything above the table rather than letting it slide, but i am a coward and i might cry hahahah, but no matter, when it's time, it'll be time.

I like eating at the soup spoon, nice soup

you taught me to hate

2008-11-15T23:59:00.001+08:00

thanks to chem, no hail nat ):

you're lucky lucky you're so lucky

NGGHHH

okay,

2008-10-28T23:47:00.000+08:00

HAIL NAT

can i be something you starve for? i swear my heart will be complementary

2008-10-28T23:39:00.002+08:00

The LORD had said to Abram, "Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you.
-Genesis 12:1

Just thinking about leaving, after having High School Musical 3 outlined for me. 12 days, a long time without lots of people I'll miss and think of. I really never thought I'd get homesick, cos I loved going on long camps without my parents, just a bunch of friends. But I'm already feeling it and it's not so nice, cos I'm leaving the friends behind too. Please let me give you a hug before I leave?

Six in the afternoon- that's when i think of you. Grab all your pictures, i'll cross my fingers, cause whiskey does wonders when everything seems to be wrong. The time before midnight, that's when it hits me most. I'll try my best to sing you a song. Maybe you'll hear me, i hope you can hear me, Love.

soup du jour

2008-10-24T00:37:00.001+08:00

what do you say when everything's okay?

2008-10-19T19:15:00.001+08:00

todaaaaaaay is a happy day!

why do you love me, it's driving me crazy

2008-10-17T23:42:00.002+08:00

It's very hard to stay focused and set my motives as what God wants for my life. As opposed to being myopic and studying for the mere sake of studying! So it's very surprising to find His love scattered everywhere. And so i'll praise and thank and love You back for all You've done for me, even the things you've taken away from me. I know it's up to You, and I accept that!

i don't know how to fight, but i'll draw blood tonight if somebody tries hurting you

2008-10-12T00:39:00.002+08:00

Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say, again I say Rejoice

Come bless the Lord,
Come bless the Lord,
draw near to worship Christ the Lord
And bless his name,
His holy name, Declaring he is good.

Oh, that men would praise him

Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say, again I say Rejoice

Was trying to look up the lyrics on google, and caught myself typing "love" instead of "Lord". How true! Hahah, this is some fantastic song, the first time i heard it i danced (badly) down the corridor towards chinese class, chenzhong now thinks i'm crazy. hahahah!

she says, "i'm glad that you know this is the way that i want it"

2008-09-30T23:31:00.001+08:00

Westley: Can you move at all?
Buttercup: Move? You're alive. If you want I can fly.

Nothing gave Buttercup as much pleasure as ordering Westley around.
Buttercup: Farm boy, polish my horse's saddle. I want to see my face shining in it by morning.
Westley: As you wish.
"As you wish" was all he ever said to her.
Buttercup: Farm boy, fill these with water - please.
Westley: As you wish.
That day, she was amazed to discover that when he was saying "As you wish", what he meant was, "I love you." And even more amazing was the day she realized she truly loved him back.
Buttercup: Farm boy... fetch me that pitcher.
Westley: As you wish.

i watched it sunday, it's so so so lovely

write me a note

2008-09-30T22:43:00.004+08:00

and i can't make it on my own
because my heart is in ohio
so cut my wrists and black my eyes
so i can fall asleep tonight, or die
because you kill me.
you know you do, you kill me well
you like it too, and i can tell
you never stop until my final breath is gone.

and

buy me a rose
call me from work
open a door for me
what would it hurt
show me you love me by the look in your eyes
these are the little things i need the most in my life

Spent the last few minutes reading about migraines and it's really interesting! Like, did you know, there's this thing called the International Headache Society, and only one third of migraine sufferers experience a preceding aura, and i have it! like, a bright light in my eyes, it's completely cool and scary.

And also, chemistry is sucking the life out of me. I'm not working hard yet. what's stopping you? you might ask. I don't know! more time more time more time this is really quite scary

BUT IT'S STILL AN AWESOME DAY

Feist - La Même Histoire

2008-09-28T20:35:00.000+08:00

Quel est donc
Ce lien entre nous
Cette chose indéfinissable?
Où vont ces destins qui se nouent
Pour nous rendre inséparables?

On avance
Au fil du temps
Au gré du vent... ainsi

On vit au jour le jour
Nos envies, nos amours
On s’en va sans savoir
On est toujours
Dans la même histoire

Quel est donc
Ce qui nous sépare
Qui par hasard nous réunit?
Pourquoi tant d’allers, de départs
Dans cette ronde infinie?

Dans la même histoire
La même histoire

I often ask myself, what did I do?

digging through the past

2008-09-26T22:28:00.002+08:00

hahah, this is from o levels.

bleaching your teeth smiling flash talking trash under your breath

2008-09-25T23:31:00.004+08:00

park that car
drop that phone
sleep on the floor
dream about me
-BSS

such a dreary day. longdrawn numbing stress throbbing like a migraine coming up in flashes like bright lights in a dark hot room. and the gradual release. of everything

but now abideth faith, hope, love, these three; and the greatest of these is love.
-1 Cor 13:13

oh and HAPPY BIRTHDAY TIFFANIE :):)

YOU GOT A LOVE LIKE SEMTEX, BRING IT TO ME WOAH!

vitamin song - all star united

2008-09-21T16:43:00.001+08:00

everybody's talking 'bout nutrition
it's a popular thing you can see
but if you're all perplexed with your condition
won't you take this tip from me?

you don't need vitamins A B C
you don't need calories 1 2 3
take a tip from the old doc moon above
you don't need vitamins you need love

when it's heart trouble you think you've got
ask old cupid for one love shot
it will cure your heart trouble
and make you bubble over with love

calories are for babies
vitamins are too
but they won't do the things for me
that a kiss from you will do!

i won't be feeling so low in june
advice was given by old doc moon
he prescribed a prescription
that gave me the description of you

neither you nor i

2008-09-10T22:52:00.002+08:00

know what i'm saying! What a difficult life. It's really boring! If you want to hear about it, all i did today was go for lessons and GP remedial (during which i looked up the f word in the dictionary! and also my name, no results except jaycee) which inspired me to write an essay about science and tech and hand it in and study one chemistry chapter before having three rounds of free food and then going home in a taxi that brought us to ayer rajah (?!?) and back to school again. What a lovely long sentence which describes almost absolutely nothing!

I'M DYING DEEP INSIDE

tout doucement

2008-09-02T12:07:00.003+08:00

The french at the top of the page:

tu as été
mon espérance
je t'ai
appelé au secours

From Feist's L'Amour Ne Dure Pas Toujours

it means you were my help, i called you for help! :D

La vie c'est épatant means, life is awesome :)

Camerafone - one

2008-08-31T17:46:00.004+08:00

I'm desperate to know how you are.
I hope you're deep asleep.
I've been awake for days,
Trying to study every inch of your body.

In this picture from a distant day,
When I could safely say nothing in this world could tear me down in anyway.
But like a dream,
You disappeared, without a sound, without a trace.

Sleep well, darling.
Wherever you are,
I hope that you're happy tonight.
And maybe you found someone who will love you right.

Sleep well, darling.
I'm desperate to say,
"Now I need you more than ever."
But all I could say was goodnight.

This is for a girl back home.
She tore down all my walls.
Left me for all she'd known,
But I pushed it all away from me.

And no, no, even if I knew, even if I knew what to say to you,
It's just too late to make you stay.
I'm sick of fighting this broken fate,
That someone else gets to tell you that you're beautiful.

Sleep well, darling.
Wherever you are,
I hope that you're happy tonight.
And maybe you found someone who will love you right.

Sleep well, darling.
I'm desperate to say,
"Now I need you more than ever."
But all I could say was goodnight.

It's the last thing I want but it's all that I've got.
It's the last thing I need but I still carry you in my heart,
In my heart.

---

It was really hard, and it's only getting harder.

But the week brings new things to look forward to! So we'll see how our Lord leads.

maybe maybe if i could see You now, i'd find a way to sing somehow

---

in the meantime, i listen to a beautiful korean american boy sing bittersweet tunes. kenny choi will never let me down hahah!

Bruce Springsteen » Janey Don't You Lose Heart

2008-08-25T18:16:00.000+08:00

You got your book baby with all your fears
Let me, honey, and I'll catch your tears
I'll take your sorrow if you want me to
Come tomorrow that's what I'll do
Listen to me

[chorus:]
Janey don't you lose heart
Janey don't you lose heart
Janey don't you lose heart
Janey don't you lose heart

Well you say you got no new dreams to touch
You feel like a stranger babe who knows too much
Well you come home late and get undressed
You lie in bed, feel this emptiness
Well listen to me

[chorus]

'Til every river runs dry
Until the sun honey's torn from the sky
'Til every fear you've felt burst free
And gone tumblin' down into the sea
Listen to me

You got your book baby with all your fears
Let me, honey, and I'll catch your tears
I'll take your sorrow if you want me to
Come tomorrow that's what I'll do
Listen to me

[chorus]

Well you say you got no new dreams to touch
You feel like a stranger babe who knows too much
Well you come home late and get undressed
You lie in bed, feel this emptiness
Well listen to me

[chorus]

'Til every river runs dry
Until the sun honey's torn from the sky
'Til every fear you've felt burst free
And gone tumblin' down into the sea
Listen to me

AND NEITHER SHOULD ANY OF US HAH!

In other news

2008-08-24T22:15:00.004+08:00

Had a talk with my youth pastor today. I feel like I know myself a little more this time, yet I'm so dangerously close to claiming all the credit for myself like I tend to do. That's one of my main faults. Selfishness. Yes, yes, yes. I think I've got a clearer idea of what I'm going to do in my life, so now it's all up to God, and praying really really hard. Oh this is quite a short little speech, where is my usual eloquence and wit! Ha ha just kidding I know I don't have it okay hahahah

the day i skipped school

2008-08-24T22:07:00.002+08:00

Of course the smell can't get in, I'm intoxicated with the smell of the beans. I've never liked the smell anyway. Although there probably wasn't even any in such heavy rain. You know that smell, it's raining and sunny at the same time. Is it grass? So! He takes her hand and looks lovingly into her eyes, with a look that encompasses all that he feels for her, so deeply and passionately and fully that it overflows and he grabs her and cradles her pulling her close. "I said I'll take care of you forever. So here I am."

Just kidding. They were old, but that makes it so much sweeter. (:

izznt it nice

2008-08-15T19:18:00.006+08:00

We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure.This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves. 2 Corinthians 4:7

It's quite amazing, really, how some people just shine so much. Not an overpowering shiny-shing-shing leaving you blinded and stuff, but a glitter-glow, like magic pixie fairy dust. It makes me feel ashamed of all the self-righteousness and pride I carry around with me together with my huge expanding ego. So I fall far behind in showing God's power and not my own measly one, because all this time it's never been my own effort. Yes I cheat during exams! I pray! And then go on and claim that grade as my own doing. Never. What nonsense am I to think I'm to go into mission work and neglect all the wonderful things he's been doing in my life, blessings so rich and deep that I take so much for granted sometimes.

It really has been amazing, sitting here and thinking about everything that's gone on. I'm so thankful only now for the work, the play, the people, the things, the needs, the wants, the ways, every day. It's so easy to fall back and think, I've deserved this now. But no, I refuse, because God has been guiding me all this way and I will never be ashamed of it ever again.

I found my new black shoes, while cleaning out the bones left in my closet, they were there with a bad excuse.
And I found a back up plan, I'm grateful that I didn't have to use it, but it's made up of real good friends.

Isn't nice to know, that the lining is silver.
Isn't nice to know, that we're golden.

When it all falls apart, and you can't see the forest for the symmetries.Oh, Oh, Oh!

I found a love in me. I always somehow knew that it exsisted, it just needed to be set free.

Isn't nice to know,
Isn't nice to know,
Isn't nice to know.

-Relient K, The Lining Is Silver

so i thought - flyleaf <3

2008-08-13T21:34:00.000+08:00

All your twisted thoughts free flow
To everlasting memories
Show soul
Kiss the stars with me
And dread the wait for
Stupid calls returning to us to life
We say to those who are in love
It can't be true 'cause we're too young
I know that's true because so long I was
So in love with you
So I thought

A year goes by
And I can't talk about it

On my knees
Dim lighted room
Thoughts free flow try to consume myself in this
I'm not faithless
Just paranoid of getting lost or that I might lose
Ignorance is bliss cherish it
Pretty neighborhoods you learn to much to hold
Believe it not
And fight the tears
With pretty smiles and lies about the times

A year goes by
And I can't talk about it
The times weren't right
And I couldn't talk about it

Chorus Romance says goodnight
Close your eyes and I'll close mine
Remember you, remember me
Hurt the first, the last between
Chorus Romance says goodnight
Close your eyes and I'll close mine
Remember you, remember me
Hurt the first, the last, between

And I'm praying that we will see
Something there in between
Then and there that exceeds all we can dream
So we can talk about it

Chorus Romance says goodnight
Close your eyes and I'll close mine
Remember you, remember me
Hurt the first, the last between
Chorus Romance says goodnight
Close your eyes and I'll close mine
Remember you, remember me
Hurt the first, the last healing

And I'm praying that we will see
Something there in between
Then and there that exceeds all we can dream

And all these twisted thoughts I see
Jesus there in between
And all these twisted thoughts I see
Jesus there in between

we all wish ourselves the best

2008-08-11T20:16:00.000+08:00

Yeah I'll have it no other way :D

it's for all of you

2008-07-22T22:26:00.002+08:00

i love you cos we're friends and
it doesn't matter what you say to
me or what problems you want
to share and i promise to
listen and pay attention
to help in what ever way i
can because i really do care

GMSS

2008-07-20T21:41:00.003+08:00

In Geylang M.S.S. we strive
to grow in friendship, body, mind
and never fail to keep alive
the truths of God which guide mankind

With grateful hearts we sing the praise
of Geylang M.S.S. today
and to her glory now we raise
our pledge of loyalty for aye

When from each other we must part
and cares of life around us press
one thing will live within each hear
the memory
of G.M.S.S!
da-da-daaa-daaa-da-daa!

It's a wonderful life 1946

2008-07-20T20:52:00.002+08:00

Little Mary: Is this the ear you can't hear on?
[whispering in his bad ear]
Little Mary: George Bailey, I'll love you 'til the day I die.

George Bailey: What is it you want, Mary? What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey. That's a pretty good idea. I'll give you the moon, Mary.
Mary: I'll take it. Then what?
George Bailey: Well, then you can swallow it, and it'll all dissolve, see... and the moonbeams would shoot out of your fingers and your toes and the ends of your hair... am I talking too much?

...

Someone stop this--

relient k's forward motion

2008-07-14T18:27:00.002+08:00

): i feel a tad stagnant, in so many areas.

i got evicted now i'm living on the street
my spirits lifted...oh wait, that wasn't me
too many turns have turned out to be wrong
this time i learned that, i knew it all along

when car crashes occur
then i'll be what you were
when i see what i should
when i see that it's good (that it's good)

to experience the bittersweet
to taste defeat
then brush my teeth

cause i struggle with forward motion

I wish for Mrs Chan to give me a hug and say everything's going to be okay!

hahah

2008-06-23T23:33:00.002+08:00

Psalm 18
6In my distress I called upon the LORD, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into his ears.
7Then the earth shook and trembled; the foundations also of the hills moved and were shaken, because he was wroth.
8There went up a smoke out of his nostrils, and fire out of his mouth devoured: coals were kindled by it.
9He bowed the heavens also, and came down: and darkness was under his feet.
10And he rode upon a cherub, and did fly: yea, he did fly upon the wings of the wind.
11He made darkness his secret place; his pavilion round about him were dark waters and thick clouds of the skies.
12At the brightness that was before him his thick clouds passed, hail stones and coals of fire.
13The LORD also thundered in the heavens, and the Highest gave his voice; hail stones and coals of fire.
14Yea, he sent out his arrows, and scattered them; and he shot out lightnings, and discomfited them.
15Then the channels of waters were seen, and the foundations of the world were discovered at thy rebuke, O LORD, at the blast of the breath of thy nostrils.
16He sent from above, he took me, he drew me out of many waters.
17He delivered me from my strong enemy, and from them which hated me: for they were too strong for me.
18They prevented me in the day of my calamity: but the LORD was my stay.
19He brought me forth also into a large place; he delivered me, because he delighted in me.

My absolute, absolute favourite psalm

Sing what I sing, sesame street

2008-06-23T23:13:00.000+08:00

Sing what I sing, sing after me
Be my echo if you can be
Sing tra la la (tra la la)
Mi mi mi (mi mi mi)
Ha ha ha (ha ha ha)
Hee hee hee (hee hee hee)
Pick a peck of peppers (pick a peck of peppers)
Fiddle diddle dee (fiddle diddle dee)

Be my echo (be my echo)
Sing what I sing (sing what you sing)
Follow the leader and sing after me (sing after me)

Sing what I sing, sing after me
Be my echo if you can be
Sing dee dee dee (dee dee dee)
Do do do (do do do)
Hi hi hi (hi hi hi)
Lo lo lo (lo lo lo)
Pick a peck of peppers (pick a peck of peppers)
Fiddle diddle dee (show off!)

Be my echo (be my echo)
Sing what I sing (sing what you sing)
Follow the leader and sing after me (sing after me)
Sing...after...me...(sing...after.. MEEEEEEE!)

5 minute limerick

2008-06-16T01:12:00.002+08:00

oh why does it always get worse
this range of emotions diverse
i grovel and whine
and sob and i pine
for dreams in my head i rehearse

2008-06-16T01:10:00.000+08:00

do you not feel my utter anguish

2008-06-16T00:31:00.003+08:00

I suppose it really is Not Time. But an answer? soon? What a thing to struggle with! Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp

2008-06-13T00:22:00.002+08:00

if i had wings i would fly cos all that i need You are (:

IS THAT NOT THE COOLEST SONG IN THE WORLD.

2008-06-11T23:55:00.000+08:00

there's nothing to say

so why do i stick around? hahahahah

this world will do me no more harm

2008-06-10T20:11:00.002+08:00

Nothing bothered me today. It's always in the wake of something so pleasant it's beautiful, and everything feels serene and taken care of. Must have started when I actually woke up on time today, and had time to myself and God. Really, walking to school that day I thought to myself, I really wouldn't mind dying at this very moment, because I wouldn't have wished for more time to right anything.

Although I suppose this serenity won't last for ever, especially when it actually happens-- the day I find out I'm going to die. Do I strike you as morbid? Or just sensible? Realistic? Idealist, I am. I won't ever figure this life out, not in this lifetime.

I'm the one you talk to and say, all your paragraphing is wrong, no one will ever make sense of this mess. You've missed. By far the worst organisation ever. Even as a kid, in primary three, primary school for goodness' sake! One of them pulled me aside and essentially told me to get a hold of my life. Walk through the day, he said. Try and remember everything that happened in the day to see if you've missed out on anything. And I stood there and nodded at everything he said while trying not too hard to let the tears blur my eyes from his fat double chin. I remember breaking down in the canteen, concerned classmates asking what's wrong? And I'm too embarrassed, because it was the first time that anyone had told me to grow up. Walk through the day, he said.

But it still happens today. Even with all of technology that's backing me up, I forget. I misplace. I assume. I lose. Did Mr B think he could have made a long lasting impact on the life of a girl of nine? Words, words, words. Even though they did hurt my bones, it never did change me. I forget. Misplace. Lose. Walk through the day. And it frustrates me so. What a rebel I am.

Don't get me wrong though? Today was a particularly nice day. These days tend to be. (:

It seems such beautiful things happen there when i go by

2008-06-08T23:44:00.002+08:00

She spins around in her flowing white dress
She sends her kisses in the air
in the hope that they reach him
and that he feels her love
and how much she will miss him
She watches and smiles as she hopes she survives,
while he drives off with a smile and a nod,
She wonders what song is playing in his head
so she can dance to it

for you my sweet embrace

2008-06-05T01:32:00.002+08:00

Today's been real cool, not perfect, but pleasant. Surprising really. Was walking around shop 'n save (total domestic goddess, i know!) and corrine may's save me came on the speakers. Which is especially surprising, since the song that went on next was an unknown chinese national day song. People were very friendly and nice. Happy, generally, without the entire day being absolutely perfect. It doesn't really need to be though.

it's true! unfortunately

2008-06-03T23:24:00.002+08:00

It's true that if my problems let up for just a little while, I lose focus on the One who matters and revert, decline, sink, slide. I could say it's simply human nature kicking in, a completely common phenomenon. But I refuse to let myself believe that this relationship won't work!

So tomorrow I will start anew, with every glance and every word i hope to find You. Please be happy!

2008-06-02T22:14:00.001+08:00

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Incidents_at_Disney_parks

quite sad huh

put in that quarter and go right along

2008-06-01T18:33:00.004+08:00

I have no idea to put this across gently. Really I don't. It still hurts inside when I think about it. It's not something you can shake off by distracting yourself, with games and jokes and work. It hurts even more when I realise I have to continually give it up, day by day, moment by moment. But most things have to be done like that, and maybe that's the point of their existence-- to make sure you live with each moment in complete commitment to God, realising you really can't live without Him. If it takes you your whole life to learn this lesson, the problem just might stay for as long as it takes. It doesn't help that it distracted me from worship and a large part of today in Church, but I can only hope and pray that God knows my situation (He's the only one at this point, I'm completely in the dark about this one!) and will guide me through this.

They may say some awful things/But there's no point in listening/Your words are the only words/That I'll believe in afterwards (Baby, it's Fact by Hellogoodbye)

Sometimes He's damn sweet and I just want to be the same to Him (:

and i said to myself

2008-05-30T23:09:00.003+08:00

I spent a good part of today alone, completely cut off from anyone familiar since my phone died. So I had lots of time to myself just thinking. Which is something I was supposed to have done in a very large quantity, except focused on the organisation and control of the prokaryotic and eukaryotic genome, but failed in this aspect since it was the only thing I was not thinking about for quite a while!

It's something I guess I like to do, but only get around to it when absolutely forced to, such as when I have absolutely no appointments for the day and drag myself out to study somewhere air conditioned. And it was a good thing, because I learned a lot. No, not just in Biology, (just being the important word here! I did do a lot of bio!) but about myself and what I think God wants for me. I found myself completely distracted and utterly unable to continue studying, so I stopped and started to ask God to please take it away. But then I realised something which I should have a long, long long time ago.

That if the whole point of me studying what I'm studying now is for my service to him, I really do not need to worry about doing well! If it truly is His will for me to be a missonary doctor, He will make it so. And no amount of my worrying about doing well or doubting my own ability to get into med school is going to change it, period. If it isn't for me to serve Him this way, that always means He has another plan for me! And I'll be fine with that, I really will, because the 2 years studying here has not gone to waste. I guess the realisation that it is never at my own discretion to command my destiny really struck me hard today, and I'm so glad because I definitely do not have the power to help myself help God.

I know, it kind of sound like stating the obvious right? I guess I really was blinded by the workload and my own abilities that I lost sight of the very core of it all. And yeah, I'm grateful for today.

i can't wait for christmas to come again

2008-05-27T22:24:00.000+08:00

And the first breath that left Your lips
Did you know that it would change this world forever

2008-05-27T20:50:00.004+08:00

before its too late, what about now says:

YOU HATE EVERYONE IN THE SHOW

before its too late, what about now says:

amber says:

i like blair

before its too late, what about now says:

WHATS WRONG WITH VANESSA?!>!?!?!?!?!?!

amber says:

EVERYTHING MAYBE

amber says:

I WISH SHE WAS BALD

amber says:

COS LESS PEOPLE WOULD LIKE HER

amber says:

HAH!

before its too late, what about now says:

youre so mean!

before its too late, what about now says:

I DONT CARE

before its too late, what about now says:

I THINK NATE AND VANESSA!

before its too late, what about now says:

AND DAN AND SERENA

before its too late, what about now says:

AND CHUCK AND BLAIR CAN BOTH BE LONERS

amber says:

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

and just sometimes, these things actually matter (:

2008-05-27T20:05:00.003+08:00

i wrote, 3 40pm. and all of a sudden, this thing, this peace, it floods me. and i'm no longer frustrated, no longer angry. i forget the very thing that worried and plagued me, just for that half hour. and it came back again. what a struggle! i took things back into my own hands and went to bed. the floor, really. the cold, hard floor. and i wake up and realise it's not there again. but that very realisation brings it back, and then i realise i really, really can't do it alone. for a while i immerse myself in work. memorising facts that occur at such a tiny level you lose sight of what the world matters and see the complexity of it all even when things are so small. and ignored you. the way it's been for close to two years. and i know it has to change. i hope i change, much much for the better. because i know the peace you can give me. i know the joy, and the love. but in such small quantities that i really do not know. so i say, The Shotgun One, assuming the groanings of my spirit will take over for me if i just get it started.

only at the end did i discover, how very difficult this whole thing is. and how much easier it would be to just give it all up. and know that you have it covered.

because i can't see your face when i close my eyes and try. if i try too hard i laugh, and the uneasiness takes over. i never want to say anything aloud. for fear. of everything. but now i'm just at a total loss. completely confused, and i don't want to be.

because i've given it up to you now. i refuse to wrestle it back. i give up the fight, and you can take me as your own, the way it should always have been. it's tiring, to live such that the immensity of my problems overwhelm me and i seek other outlets, when i should have turned to you. the very One. and i truly wonder why i ever let fall you from my sight, and everything else seems so trivial, so very trivial. once again, i pour out my life

women are from venus

2008-05-27T00:19:00.002+08:00

You know as a kid I'd always wanted to be an astronaut. After that visit to NASA back in '98 or something. I still am fascinated by the voidness, which makes me think of my own transience, unlike Zaphod Beeblebrox who failed to see his own smallness in comparison with the rest of the universe. And you really start to think about life itself, and what's worth living for.

so very apt

2008-05-19T21:58:00.001+08:00

written with a pen, sealed with a kiss
if you're my friend, answer me this
"are we friends or are we not?"
you told me once but i forgot
so tell me once, and tell me true
so i can say, "i'm here for you"
and if i die before you do,
i'll go to heaven and wait for you

sorry for the handwriting

Closing Down the Pattern Department - Daphne Loves Derby

2008-05-16T22:24:00.002+08:00

Hey, did you hear about my mistakes?
I never thought you'd see me looking down
Even though I made a mess of everything you made for me
All along you were there
Waiting like you said you always would
Yeah, you said you always would

We don't have to wait for anything at all now that I've learned
This fool will never learn a thing
And I can't believe that you would send your love to me now
Even though I don't deserve it

Forgive me, but I can't be everything you deserve
And I know it's too late to crawl back to you tonight
But there's a few things that I just need you to know
Like the way I felt when we were close
And how the stars explode every time you are near

But all along you were there
Waiting like you said you always would
Yeah, you said you always would

I am so far, I couldn't see
But you made every day so sweet
All along you were there
Waiting by my side

Yeah, you love me even though I don't deserve it
You love me even though I don't deserve it

Thank You for being there all the time. All the time. Listening to me no matter what. Or when.

I haven't cried to You in a long while. Nor thanked You for all your love. And grace. You know me, know me so well. And I'd like to know You back. Love you back, with all of my heart, my very life.

Give me faith again, please

2008-05-16T00:34:00.003+08:00

I am really so very glad for the people I've met here. They're all very different and influence my life in so many different ways. But I've learnt quite a bit about myself in the process, and I really do hope that what they say about JC friends sticking for life really is true. (:

A LIST!

I know last year I made a list of things I wanted to do. All sorts of wacky things! Failed quite badly at completing the list, but I'm glad for all the many things I've done in ACJC (:

A LIST!

Fantastic things done in 07-08

Made awesome, awesome SRJC friends
Played touch rugby, as a CCA!
Worshiped Him in the most unlikely of places (:
SO many beautiful friends
Made it to the school of my dreams
Made it to the top 10% of the school of my dreams (though this is going to go!)
A FOR BIO!!!
Sculpture Square
Danced! In:
Arabian Nights
Pride and Prejudice
Watched Phantom
Watched We Will Rock You
Went for a christian concert alone
Discovered the joy of dry YTF
i'm definitely not going to complete this list. anothertime!

Stolen-Dashboard Confessional

2008-05-11T22:05:00.001+08:00

You watch the season pull up its own stage
And catch the last weekend
Of the last week
Before the gold and the glimmer have been replaced
Another sun soaked season
Fades away

You have stolen my heart
You have stolen my heart

Invitation only, grand farewells
Crash the best one
Of the best ones
Clear liquor and
Cloudy eye
Too early to say goodnight

You have stolen my heart
You have stolen my heart

And from the bottle flow, we are in celebration
One good stretch before our hibernation
Our dreams are sure
And we all will sleep well
We'll sleep well

You have stolen
You have stolen my
You have stolen my heart

I watch you spin around
In the highest heels
You are the best one
Of the best ones
We all look like we feel

You have stolen my
You have stolen my
You have stolen my heart

patty-beth

2008-05-10T01:19:00.002+08:00

I thought Mrs Chan's devotions today were so lovely and apt, especially for today. I guess peace really isn't the absence of trouble, but the knowledge that God can bring us above all else. And a double portion for today! It really did feel like I just couldn't handle it anymore, on top of the prospect of the A levels looming above us all and my inability to sustain more than 5 minutes of focused studying.

Yes, I do feel like I think on a one track mind. So easily swayed and distressed. The only way to avoid it is through ignorance, completely putting it out of my mind. This, of course, results in greater problems than the initial one, when I don't act on it. I feel like I should love again, love studying with the fervour experienced earlier this year. Oh well. I guess it's been a bad day.

On a brighter note, Tiffanie was in acjc today! I've really missed you, really really. There's GOT TO BE a proper time where we can have an actual, full fledged, uninterrupted CC. It's been 5 long months, friend. It's nice to see the long hair hahahah.

Yeah I wish for longer hair. And a less ugly face hahahahah! And to make up my mind, yes, to make up my mind. On so many things! And I wish for a magic wand for me amanda charmaine and johanna. And a pink unicorn, a real one. Ha ha. OH! and a nice, complete critical commentary, contributing to 15% of my A level score for TSD. Fantabulous! That'd be swell.

Ok speaking of swelling my eyes are starting to do so. Especially at a time like this. Pokemon!

today and forever

2008-05-01T23:26:00.003+08:00

sometimes i wonder if you're still near, so many time's i've tried to draw close yet you seem so distant. as always, i drift away without the sense of your presence holding me tight and too late, i realise we're apart, yet again. it's happened so many times, i really don't want it to continue in a neverending cycle. i even doubt, so many times. what if it was all just a sick joke someone made up to pass time and test people's reactions. but so many remain faithful, professing love for you til their deaths. will i ever? what if i died today? would i still be yours? do you.. still love me? of course, i might have a pretty good shot at the intellectual answers to the questions. but i want to feel again.

oh tortured soul

2008-04-30T23:36:00.001+08:00

it would have been awesome if everything turned out the right way up

2008-04-23T01:27:00.002+08:00

hotel boulevard
light jazz elevator music
flowers and fields, a stallion or two
mountain tops
view over the city, silence but the buzz of traffic
an empty road
found art

totally antithetical to previous post, but...

2008-04-17T21:13:00.003+08:00

it seems someone's got lots of money! i hope it isn't as ugly as everyone thinks it is.

fly far, far away into outer space

space out, hahahah!

2008-04-17T21:10:00.000+08:00

Oh my God, I am so sorry

2008-04-14T00:14:00.001+08:00

"honey, life ain't nothing but strings." says:
boom
amber says:
what did you just say?
"honey, life ain't nothing but strings." says:
boom
amber says:
i'm sorry i couldnt hear you, speak up
"honey, life ain't nothing but strings." says:
HAHA SHUT UP YOU
amber says:
whaaaaat?
"honey, life ain't nothing but strings." says:
hahah you fool i am not talking to you anymore

it was soooo awesome. worth every single cent.

2008-04-09T22:43:00.001+08:00

Too many feelings.

It's like after a double portion mass pe, finding muscles that you never knew existed, hurting.

nothing to be done.

2008-04-06T23:24:00.003+08:00

you win some you learn some i guess. oh temperament, when will you ever stay the same -- sweet and pleasant and consistent. i thought it all over in secondary school. oh well.

i still love relient k!

2008-03-30T21:57:00.004+08:00

if it hurts,
kiss it better
you wear skirts,
i write nice letters
never said nothing with flowers
though we always talked for hours
and it seems to get much colder
when you cry on your own shoulder
and we know the show
must go on
guess i know
i guess i'll throw on

some jefferson airplane
i'm trapped and i am enclosed
but i won't complain
i'll open all the windows
jefferson airplane
i'm trapped and i am enclosed
but i won't complain
i'll open all the windows

cause when it's colder
i feel much better
when i cry on my own shoulder
i'll just throw on a sweater and go

and i'll go to undergo a change of heart, a change of clothes
and when i'm home, i think i'll go eat cereal and stare out the window

i'll make the calls
you cover your ears
niagra falls
still flows on new year's
i will save
your plunging neck-line
kiss your face
you try to deck mine
if i behave it's going to cost him
stop the rave in downtown boston
and we know the show
must go on
guess i know
i guess i'll throw on

some jefferson airplane
i'm trapped and i am enclosed
but i won't complain
i'll open all the windows
jefferson airplane
i'm trapped and i am enclosed
but i won't complain
i'll open all the windows

cause when it's colder
i feel much better
when i cry on my own shoulder
i'll just throw on a sweater and go

and i'll go to undergo a surgery to purge me of this lonely mood
and my ego, the status quo, provides me with a decent attitude
and i'll go to undergo a change of heart, a change of clothes
and when i'm home, i'll think i'll go eat cereal and stare out the window

cause you confused me more than anyone
an adjustment has begun
to let me feel the desperate need to leave what we undid undone
and maybe you could sympathize
with the bags under my eyes
and we'll see the signs are saying that we have used up all our tries
try to be a better person
to be a better friend
to be a better son

he tries to be a better someone
that understands the difference
and that he can't show all the people all the things that really mean as much as he could feel
feels like i don't remember
ever being this tired before
before now my eyes were closed to all of the beauty in this world

jefferson airplane
i'm trapped and i am enclosed
but i won't complain
i'll open all the windows
jefferson airplane
i'm trapped and i am enclosed
but i won't complain
i'll open all the windows

cause when it's colder
i feel much better
when i cry on my own shoulder
i'll just throw on a sweater and go

and i'll go to undergo a surgery to purge me of this lonely mood
and my ego, the status quo, provides me with a decent attitude
and i'll go to undergo a change of heart, a change of clothes
and i'll go, oh yes, i'll go and hope the new me shows so everybody knows
that i've found myself able to fly away without magic feathers or jefferson aero planes
i've got with me all that i need

-jefferson, aero plane

i don't know but i think i'm about to understand

2008-03-30T20:52:00.002+08:00

I'm listening to a bunch of songs from secondary school, and feeling old and nostalgic at the simplicity that life was back in the early teens. Embarrassing stuff, but still sweet. When I went back last week to sell fun-o-rama coupons, all the memories of life there stored in a compartment labelled "Things to forget" just flooded back. Like J wong nagging and whining for me to "pin up your hair, aiyoh!". Ms Ng's exasperated face, the same one she gives when I ask her for the fourth time that week about what skewing is, the one she always administers prior to a long and tedious explanation about complicated math stuff that she makes sound like the simplest thing in the whole world. Slouching all over school, except when we have to run to chapel to keep from being held back for detention. Still am missing the deep valley that the quadrangle was before PRIME that flooded with ankle-deep water after a bout of rain during the monsoon season, and splashing about in knee-length skirts and potato sack shirts. And going to the toilet between each lesson in hope of catching a glimpse of daryl chia, dreaming of what would have happened if i had actually fallen over in front of him without catching myself and instead allowed myself to fall into his strong arms, where he would look into my eyes and tenderly ask if i was okay. And the back gate we always went through before drama rehearsals to sneak back 99cent instant noodles from cheers. That slope from the canteen to the classroom block. Rainy days and running to class dripping wet. Mr Kee's countdowns. Wesley Hall. Ronald. Nasi Lemak and otah. Knowing (but pretending not to) literally everyone in the level.

& super rjc! alvin, youying, kenneth, RANDOLPH, ryan, Timo Whaley Pom Pee El, charles, jerald, lucia, momo, denise, sam, fuzzy, bart simpson (oh no i forgot his real name, samuel?), lam the clubber, dinky, innzheng, flora fishballs, oh just too many people. touch rugby, prayer on friday, bus 80 in the mornings, sala's bio classes, talking on calculators in chem lecture, chinese everywhere.

I am so glad.

Angels and Airwaves

2008-03-25T23:37:00.003+08:00

There’s a strangest excitement today
If you’re awake then you’re welcome to hear
I’ve got a gift and it blew me a way
From the far eastern sea straight to here
Oh God I feel like I’m in for it now
Its like the rush has gone straight to my brain
But my voice is as lonely as loud
As I whisper a joy of this pain

-The Gift

---

i dont like feeling this way.

would you?

2008-03-22T01:59:00.000+08:00

http://www.foundmagazine.com/find/702

wow!

2008-03-22T00:32:00.001+08:00

i am rather happy

SWEDISH MEATBALLS AAH!

2008-03-03T22:14:00.002+08:00

I am so high tonight. Hahah, I just have to share these things that happened today hahahahahah

before math, this guy burped like, really loudly, and i just couldnt stop giggling. He noticed the people around him sniggering, and so he went like, "excuuuse meee" hhahahah!

question 3 of the math h1 term exam starts like this- 10 green bottles were sitting on the wall" hahahahahahahah!

rachel and i named these 2 frog finger puppets hermit and kermit, and so together they're HK, hong kong! so they're abbreviated hongky and konghee! hahahah!

can you not see the stress of terms? i mask it so well! hahahah!

pschool autograph books!

2008-03-03T20:19:00.002+08:00

You laugh, I laugh
You cry, I cry
You jump off the building
I say, "Wah lao, sure die!"

HAHAHAHA! i think i will bring my autograph book around again, the one with the lock and key and favourite food lists and "gold star, silver star, bronze star" friends ranking, written with multicoloured pens with glitter. :D